Cast your mind back, if you will, to the people you’ve slept with.
I’m sure some faces make you smile, maybe you wonder what they’re up to these days, and I’m sure others make you cringe, or maybe even grimace. What were you thinking?
Now, it’s really not my intention to judge you for your body count or the people you’ve fucked. Not at all.
I do want to help you stay energetically up to date, and make sure your past lovers aren’t still hanging around in your system (and you in theirs).
Anyone we engage with can leave a mark on us; be it someone we dated for years, a one night stand, or a person we spoke to for one minute in a shop.
Energy is like that. It transfers. It moves. It can get stuck.
And most of us aren’t very aware of ourselves as energetic beings, meaning we’re quite unconscious and unaware in this area.
Now whilst this is true in general, I want to focus on lovers as the connection can be the strongest due to how deeply and openly we engage with them.
The physical act of having someone in your body, or your body in theirs, is very intimate.
Plus the feelings that occur. The openness. The vulnerability. The fluids.
It’s a big exchange.
Which can be beautiful.
Sex with someone can change your life. The chemistry created between you can be life changing, alchemising, clearing, and healing.
But it can also leave a residue in your system, and theirs, that it’s useful to be aware of so you’re not carrying people around with you, or leaving yourself all over the place.
This is especially relevant if this person is no longer in your life, maybe they were a fling, or there was a breakup. Even if you’re actively with them you might not want them unconsciously in your system.
Clearing them from your system doesn’t mean you lose what you had, it just keeps it up to date. What’s hanging around you isn’t the best of them, it’s not their smile, their tender heart, or the joy you shared. You can keep the gifts they gave you without holding onto a bit of their energy.
So, if you’d like to clear ghosts of lovers past and give your system a little spring clean, I’ve got a 20-minute meditation for you.
You can read along and do it at your own pace, or listen to the audio below. And do this as often as you feel to. You can also do this with people who aren’t lovers, like friends, family, colleagues.
Start by getting comfortable, with a straight spine, and take a few deep but gentle breaths.
And silently say to yourself “I’m here”.
And just notice where the majority of your attention is focused. It might be in your head. Your heart. Your guts. Maybe it’s all scattered.
Gently allow your attention to rest around your heart space, and invite your energy to join there. Take as long as you need to feel established in your heart, letting your attention and energy meet you there.
And just take a moment to see how your heart feels. What it feels like to consciously engage with your heart.
In a moment, we’re going to call the most relevant person to mind. This might be the most recent person, or the most significant in this moment. Trust your system’s intelligence and intuition, and see who comes.
When you feel ready, ask that the most relevant person become apparent to you.
You might see their face, hear their name, or just sense who they are.
Give yourself a moment to notice them, and observe how you feel.
Are you happy to see them? Do you feel sad, or angry having them appear?
There’s no right or wrong answer we’re just observing.
You might like to imagine that you’re standing in front of each other. Gently facing each other.
Let yourself notice what you like about them, and what you don’t.
Is there anything you need to say to them?
Maybe that you love them, that they hurt you, that you’re sorry.
Allow whatever you need to say be said, either with words, or energetically.
And notice where you feel them. Now that you have them in front of you, do you feel that same energy anywhere in you?
It might be physical, maybe you feel them in your groin, or heart, or legs. Maybe it’s more a belief you’ve picked up, their fears, feelings, shame, patterns, or maybe even more situational in that something that happens to them is playing out in your life.
Just notice. It might feel very precise, it might not. Right now we’re just highlighting what of them is in you, partly to get a sense of what you’ve been carrying, and partly to make it a bit more obvious what you want to give back.
And when you feel ready, invite any of theirs that is currently residing in you to be returned to them.
You might like to visualise giving it back to them, perhaps as an object or in a box, or just have the sense of what is theirs going to them.
It might not be something they want, but if it is theirs it’s more appropriate that they have it than you do. You can’t resolve their issues for them so the only way this issue (if it is an issue) gets resolved is by going back to them.
You might like to use your hands to create the motion of energy moving from you to them. You might find that you’re yawning, or sneezing, or burping as your system clears them from you.
Simply have the intention of returning that which is not yours.
If there are any gifts they’ve given you that you want, that are right for you, they’ll stick around. They are yours, and as such can stay with you.
Take as long as you need here.
You might find there’s more here than you’d expected, that what you saw originally is just the tip of the iceberg. Or maybe it’s pretty simple. One specific thing you’ve picked up.
Allow it all to be returned to where it came from.
And once that feels done, take a moment to see how you feel.
You might feel lighter, more energised, perhaps a bit empty, or confused as you’d gotten used to them being in you. That’s ok. There’s no right or wrong answer, we’re just observing.
And just here a moment. Feeling the space in your system.
Now, looking at them, you might like to see what of you they’ve been holding, just as we did before, seeing where they were in you, see if you get a sense of where you are in them. Perhaps it’s physical, more emotional, more belief related.
Maybe they’ve been holding some of your fears, parts of yourself that you weren’t able to hold. Maybe they’re holding your energy, your vitality. Just see if you get a sense. And if they are holding things that you don’t especially want back, remember that they’re yours, and they won’t get resolved unless you have them.
And when you’re ready, let’s bring those parts of you back.
Invite what is yours to come and join you. Call yourself home.
You might like to put your palms together and gently say your name like a prayer, giving your energy an easy route home.
This part might take longer, or be quicker. Take as long as you need to feel what is yours returning to you.
You might like to use your hands to bring yourself in, moving them in towards you.
And once that feels done, take a moment to notice how you feel.
Fuller perhaps. Stronger. Perhaps they’ve given back parts that need some love. Just notice.
And now, with both of you standing before each other, you full of yourself, and them full of themselves, notice if there’s anything left between you.
Maybe there’s love there, maybe like, maybe warmth, dislike, hate, disgust, or nothing, just pure indifference.
If there’s anything that feels like it connects you to them, ask if yourself if you want it to be there.
Is it appropriate to have love between you? Maybe, maybe not.
If there’s hate, or dislike, is that appropriate?
Maybe it feels one-sided. Maybe you sense different things coming from each of you.
And if there is a connection, ask yourself if you want to keep it.
If you do, then leave it as it is.
If you don’t, allow yourself to get a feel for this energetic connection between the two of you.
You might sense it, or like to visualise a cord or string between the two of you.
And using your intention, invite it to be released. You might like to imagine cutting it, or simply letting it drop off.
Letting anything that is inappropriate or not needed be let go of.
This might feel sad, it might feel like a relief.
And take whatever time you need to honour this connection. Perhaps there was real, deep love between the two of you. It can be true that there was (or even is) love, but that this connection is no longer what you need.
You might like to see the both of you honouring it, burying it like an umbilical cord.
Or perhaps there’s no love, and you’re very happy to be rid of them.
Do whatever feels right for you.
And now, take another moment to just observe how you feel.
Before we invite them to leave, is there anything you wish to say to them?
Anything that’s been left unsaid, anything you couldn’t say before. Perhaps you want to wish them well, or simply tell them it’s over.
Give them whatever parting feels appropriate, and allow them to turn and walk away.
That might have felt huge. Difficult. Quick or easy.
Allow yourself to get reestablished in your own presence.
If there’s anyone else who feels significant, you can repeat what we just did (either by rereading the steps or going through them in your own way).
Moving on to more general, less significant people, we’re going to do the same thing but in less detail.
First, simply invite anything you’re holding that isn’t yours to be let go.
Just like we did before, but less specific, have the intention that anything currently in your system that isn’t yours, be returned to where it came from.
Again, you might like to use your hands, and you might find yourself yawning, or sneezing as the energy moves.
You might get a sense of what is being released, or it might feel very vague and nondescript.
Take as long as you need, and once it feels done take a moment to notice how you feel.
Feel the space in your system, and notice what it feels like to not to have people hanging around in it.
And when you’re ready, call your energy back to you, inviting it to join you.
Again you might like to bring the palms of your hands together and gently say your name.
Allow all that is yours to come back home. You might also like to use your hands.
You might get a sense of what is coming back, or it might feel super general.
Take as long as you need, and go at your own pace.
Once you feel you have yourself back, take a moment to see how you feel.
Fuller. Denser. Heavier. More energetic. Clearer.
And ask that any unnecessary connections between you and these people be released.
It’s might be easier as they’re less significant to you, so just have the intention that the connection be released.
And once that feels done, notice if there’s anything that needs to be said.
Perhaps one person comes to mind. Perhaps a general “thanks for the sex, have a good life”.
And gently allow them to fade in the background.
And take a moment to feel yourself in your fullness. Establishing yourself in yourself, welcoming your energy back home.
And gently, welcome yourself back into the room. Allowing yourself to slowly take in your surroundings, and move your body a little.